By Lola Mendez, contributing writer

As a child, my late father tucked me into bed most nights. I’d always beg for a bedtime story, but not from a fairytale book. Instead, I wanted one from his rolodex of what I then understood to be thrilling experiences. My father lived many adventures, but they weren’t always by choice.

Stories as a way to share trauma

The vivid bedtime stories he’d tell were from when he was 24 in the 1970s. He spent six months traversing from Uruguay to Mexico after escaping the U.S.-backed junta. In Uruguay he was captured, interrogated and tortured on several occasions. Miraculously, he always survived. The final time he was tortured, he was forced into a bullpen of ankle-deep water and electrocuted repeatedly with an electric cattle prod. 

My father, and thousands of other Uruguayans, were tortured because they were suspected to be Tupamaros — the guerrilla group attempting to overthrow the authoritative civic-military dictatorship. Uruguay was dubbed “the torture chamber of Latin America” and 2% of Urugauyans were imprisoned. And, this remains the highest amount of global incarceration per capita to date. 

I didn’t know this harrowed history when I was a child. I didn’t realize when I begged my father to share stories that they might trigger horrific memories. 

“The torture of a parent can be internalized by children through direct contact with stories and behaviors and indirectly through hypersensitivity to shifts in emotional atmosphere,” Dr. Sham Singh, a psychiatrist, said.

Trauma’s ability to penetrate

In hindsight, the bedtime stories weren’t always appropriate for a child. Even so, my favorite story was set in the Amazon Rainforest. This is where he spent many weeks traveling with several other self-exiled men from the Southern Cone. 

He woke up in a daze after feeling something fall onto his body— a boa constrictor. He wrestled the snake and eventually flung it away. 

I’ve always been afraid of snakes. Now I know that may be because being raised by a traumatized parent can affect our genetic makeup. 

Trauma doesn’t cause mutations to the genetic code, but how DNA is expressed. This is known as epigenetics, a biological control mechanism of DNA. Traumatic events can alter how genes function, which may be transmitted to subsequent generations, causing intergenerational trauma. 

“A common type of epigenetic change is DNA methylation, where a chemical tag called a methyl group attaches to the DNA and typically ‘silences’ it by preventing it from being expressed,” Chloé Lortal, a genetic testing researcher, explained. 

Intergenerational trauma

“Exposure to trauma can result in long-lasting genetic modifications passed to offspring. Trauma-induced changes in DNA methylation, especially in genes regulating stress responses, may be inherited across generations,” Singh said. 

The psychiatrist also notes long-term exposure to stress and terror, such as torture, fosters widespread DNA methylation alterations. For example, intergenerational transmission of trauma effects was studied in Holocaust survivors. 

Some had children who displayed epigenetic changes to the gene linked to their levels of the stress hormone cortisol. The study on transgenerational epigenetic programming concluded unborn children were affected on a genetic level by the parents’ trauma of surviving the Holocaust. 

“Studies on Rwandan genocide victims showed altered methylation patterns linked to stress-related genes,” Lortal explains. “The Dutch Hunger Winter of World War II left lasting marks on the genes of the Dutch people, even 70 years after the famine ended.”

Expressions of passed-down trauma

As the child of a torture victim and recipient of transgenerational trauma, I inherited many of my father’s trauma-associated behaviors. For instance, in Uruguay, the military would enter an establishment and use a fire hose to ignite the building if they suspected a Tupamaro might be inside. 

Because of this, my father was never able to sit with his back to a door or window; he always needed to be able to see his exit. I don’t feel safe if I have to sit with my back to the door and I distrust military personnel and the police.

PTSD’s connection to torture and violence

Being raised by a torture victim created an unstable household. My father was quick to anger and was emotionally reactive as he didn’t process his PTSD. As a child, I didn’t understand what my father had experienced or how it had drastically changed the trajectory of his life. I would struggle to understand why my sweet, silly father could be so explosive.

My father operated in survival mode. He always anticipated the worst happening at any given moment, despite having escaped the dictatorship over 40 years ago. He was obsessed with knowing our whereabouts at all times, fearing something terrible might happen to us. I, too, panic if I can’t get in touch with my family, presuming the worst.

Due to intergenerational transmission of paternal trauma, it’s possible it was predetermined I’d develop PTSD as a result of exposure. “A child whose parents have been exposed to strong traumas may be more prone to PTSD,” Singh said. 

Genetics account for 5% to 20% of the differences between PTSD rates following a traumatic event. My father, too, may have inherited epigenetic changes due to ancestral trauma; he was the descendant of Charrúas, the Indigenous people of Uruguay massacred by Spanish colonizers. 

Several therapists have told me I operate in survival mode, like my father did. Even when I’m not experiencing adversity, I’m hypervigilant and hypersensitive. 

The generational trauma passed onto me from my father may play a role. I’m extremely sensitive to loud noises and don’t feel safe in crowds. I’m hyper aware of my surroundings and have fast reflexes.

“Children internalize trauma through observation and emotional attunement. Trauma can be communicated nonverbally through forms of emotional distance wherein unresolved emotions have been absorbed by the children. Sometimes, children learn a parent’s worldview wherein the world is inherently unsafe and dangerous,” Singh said.

Reframing the impact of trauma

Even so, being raised by a victim of torture has in many positive ways helped me develop into the woman I am today. Having been raised by someone who suffered so tremendously at the hands of their government, I’ve formed deep connections with others who’ve lived similar experiences as my father. 

I’m a staunch advocate for human rights. Being the child of a torture survivor has made me empathetic and determined to do everything I can to stand up against injustice.

I don’t feel damaged by my inherited trauma. In fact, according to Lortal, epigenetic changes may activate genes to help offspring cope with adversity. “Resilience can be inherited similarly to trauma because epigenetic modifications don’t just pass on vulnerabilities; they can also transmit adaptive traits,” she said.

So perhaps instead of centering trauma, I acknowledge that I’ve inherited my father’s strength, resilience and ability to survive.